A Guide for Women Going Through Divorce
While the thought of divorce might be the furthest thing from your mind when you get married, you can never predict the challenges that life might throw at your marriage. The reality is that divorce is common and it doesn't make you a bad person for wanting to move on.
As a woman, the prospect of divorce might seem all the more daunting -- especially if you rely on your spouse in a financial sense. But in today's day and age, there is support for divorced mothers, allowing you to rebuild your life.
If you're considering a divorce or facing the divorce process in the near future, this blog is the support resource you need to read.
Do women regret divorce? This might be a question on your mind if you're thinking about making this life change. But there is no black or white answer to this because it depends on your reason for divorcing your spouse.
In today's world, some of the most common reasons women divorce men include:
The reality is that marriage is an age-old institution that's taken its time to catch up to today's notion of gender equality. Many women who have demanding careers feel added pressure when it comes to raising a family and running a household, too.
At the end of the day, the expectations within a marriage might become too much to handle. The result is a feeling of resentment, or being stifled.
Despite a woman's right to enjoy a blossoming career, the expectations within their marriage might make them feel overwhelmed or unhappy. This is often mistaken as a midlife crisis.
A lack of support from a woman's husband can lead to huge amounts of psychological and emotional stress. Many women today endeavour to hold down successful careers of their own -- and rightly so. But without the support from a spouse, this also leads to a feeling of bitterness.
This is not only related to a woman's career goals, though. There are a number of ways in which a partner might fall behind in offering support, whether it's emotional, mental, physical, or financial.
One of the most common issues between spouses today is a lack of communication. A good marriage hinges on open lines of communication, which allows each spouse to unload and express their feelings.
Now, this might be a generalisation, but many men are not taught how to process or talk about their feelings. The result is a woman in the marriage who takes on and carries the emotional brunt of the relationship. In some cases, the mother figure carries the emotional burden of the entire family.
Eventually, this leads to emotional burnout and the breakdown of many marriages.
The truth is, women in today's world are learning to stand up for themselves. They're no longer accepting poor and intolerable behaviour from their spouses, which often results in divorce.
Back in the day, most women relied on their spouses financially. This led to the acceptance of intolerable behaviour, but the tables have turned, and continue to do so.
A woman no longer has to accept infidelity as part of her marriage, or a lack of affection, emotional support, misconduct, verbal abuse, and domestic violence. To add to this, a women's rights in a divorce have come a long way in recent years. Not to mention women's divorce support groups that can help and guide you through the process.
Whether you've filed for divorce or you're still processing the decision, here are a few tips to help you prepare for it all.
If you're the one filing for a divorce, you're going to need your own money. You'll need to support not only yourself and your children (if applicable) during this time. You'll also need funds for your legal support.
If your spouse is the breadwinner in the family, there's a chance you could face a financial cut-off. You want to be prepared for this before you begin the process. If you can, set up a separate financial account and start establishing your financial safety blanket.
It's no secret that going through a divorce can be a complicated, time-consuming process. If you opt for divorce mediation, you'll need to keep track of all your meetings with your legal team as well as any court deadlines.
Keeping a ''divorce calendar'' can help you stay on top of all meeting and deadline expectations, which will ultimately save you time and money on legal expenses.
Not only this, but if you plan on sharing custody of your children during the divorce process, you'll also need to keep track of handover dates and other appointments.
The process of divorce also involves plenty of paperwork. Make sure to designate one place for all of this paperwork and file it away according to your divorce calendar.
Keep in mind that everything that's posted on the internet stays there, and it could have negative consequences. When it comes to the divorce process, you want to be wary of what you post on social media.
It may feel good to vent about your divorce or even show off your newfound independence. But this could lead to unnecessary arguments and resentment throughout your divorce.
If you had an amicable separation, this could also lead to the breakdown of your relationship, which you want to avoid.
The process of divorce will most likely uproot everything you know about your life, especially the routine that you're accustomed to. You'll need to figure out a new routine that works for you and your children and try to be consistent with it.
In other words, you want to strive for as much ''normalcy'' as possible, especially for the benefit of your children.
Yes, going through a divorce is an extremely tough and emotional process. While it might be difficult to keep emotion out of it, it's important to not let your emotions get the better of you and your decision-making.
When you communicate with your spouse, try and be as logical and constructive as possible. This means avoiding triggering situations that will make you emotional. Opt for neutral ground when you need to meet or make sure you have legal counsel with you as a neutral party.
This might sound cliché, but it's important to focus on one day at a time, as well as the ''little wins''. It's not always easy, but you want to focus on the present, and even look forward to the future, rather than lingering on the past.
When it comes to the divorce process, there might be things out of your control. This is where you need to trust the expertise of your legal team and begin making a plan for your future.
While the prospect of remaining in your marriage might seem impossible, the prospect of leaving might seem all the more difficult. After all, how do you pick up and carry on with your life after a divorce?
It is possible to rebuild a new life and move on, but there are certain steps that can help:
It's also important to take things slow when it comes to finding your feet in the world as a single woman. You might have no idea where to begin when it comes to dating or even rediscovering old interests.
It's a good idea to make a bucket list of all the things that once interested you and anything new you'd like to pursue. With the right support team around, you can rebuild your life better than you ever imagined.
Don't underestimate the power of reaching out to local support groups in your area. Many women going through divorce share the exact same feelings, and very similar experiences. They can offer you the support you need -- better than any family or friends who have never experienced a divorce before.
There's no need to feel isolated when you're going through the process of divorce. In Australia, there are a number of resources you can tap into, such as:
Then there's also Facebook which offers a myriad of support groups according to your geographical location. All you have to do is a quick online search. If you're looking for something more personal, you can also find support groups through your local community centres, parenting organisations, synagogue, or church.
If you're contemplating this major life change, Koolik & Associates is here to offer you the support you need.
As part of our support for divorced mothers, we offer legal expertise on all things parenting support, spousal maintenance, and child support. Not sure about your divorce options? We offer advice on this, too.
In many cases, legal mediation is the best decision you can make in order to streamline the process of divorce. Contact us today for more.
Please note the contents of this post is information only and not legal advice.
If you require legal advice it is best to contact one of our lawyers who can review your particular circumstances and then provide tailored
advice according to your needs.
We provide legal services to clients all over Queensland as well as interstate. Many of our services, such as conveyancing, will preparation, and estate management can be accessed remotely via phone, email and registered post where required.
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